I perform so exaggerated that barely anyone sees the awkwardness and social phobia underneath my clown suit.
Keeping a disguise is exhausting, you need to be in control at all times, in all places. I get easily frustrated when things just do not go my way, no matter how hard I try to manipulate them.
When my happy cover is blown, I have to put on my aggressive mask. Well nothing works better than a lunatic’s anger on protecting my inner child, who is weak, gloomy and scared.
But I live in a circus, entertaining is my job, it’s only professional when you wear a big grin and say “Hi!!!” to people in a high pitch.